New Study Shows that People are too Good

Sometimes people forget how valuable sin really is, and now it’s coming back to bite them.

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The collage of empty Cheeto bags, sunflower seeds and unidentifiable pieces of paper that normally carpet the L.A. city  streets have become less and less present as the days go on. A new study suggests that this lack of litter, and many other things, are due to a sudden rise in morality and general goodness in people everywhere.

“People just seem to care too much now-a-days” states a distraught homeless man, with a cup overflowing with coinage, “I used to get enough or maybe a beer or two and feed myself, but now have enough money to fuel three different types of addictions! How am I supposed to get my act together now?!”

Not only are the homeless suffering from the sudden lack of immorality, the working classes are feeling it too.

“When I walk down the city streets I expect a certain amount of debris and clutter that I can turn my nose at disdainfully, it just feels good.” States Jennifer, a barista at Starbucks, “but now everything is cleaner than my apartment. It just hurts to live knowing that.”

Mayor Jim Lucy of Carterville, CA has plans to remedy the situation as soon as possible.

“We’ve started giving out free cigarettes to the children in the streets” He says, “It’s good to get the addictive habits started early in life. That makes it harder for them to think for other people’s needs later on. We hope that through this method the streets will soon be littered in cigarette butts and other debris once again.”

Mayor Lucy doesn’t plan on stopping there, he is hoping for his ideas to reach global proportions.

“We are already partnering up with neighboring cities and districts. Our team hopes for our efforts spread a general immorality throughout the state, the country and soon, the ENTIRE WORLD! AH-HAHA HA HAAAAAA!”


~ J.J. Williams




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